Adjustments

Sigh. I feel like I've been living out of my body for the last week. Like I've been watching this whole ordeal happen to someone else. I'm really glad that Mom died peacefully, but without all the drama it's been difficult to convince myself it's all real. I've been out to her grave every day. I've cried a couple of times. Other than that, I haven't really cried. I'm not sure why. I'm such an emotional person, I thought I would have been balling 24/7. Is something wrong with me? Is this how I'm grieving? I don't like it. I think if I could just cry, then all this hurt would get better. I pray that God will help me get thru this, in my own way, but to know that I'm coping. I kinda feel like I'm struggling to take each breath, but at the same time numb to everything around me.

In other news, I got some cool lighting equipment for my business! I can't wait to play with it and take some cool shots! I'll post when I do get around to taking some more pics.

Funeral Details

Here's the details:

Visitation: Thursday, 6-9 pm, @ Searcy-Mceuen funeral home.

Funeral: Friday, 10 am, @ College Church of Christ.

Burial: After funeral @ Oak Grove (behind College church/beside Downtown church)

Peaceful Passing

Well, it's happened. My momma is gone. She finally got her beautiful reward today. She passed away at about 1.30 this afternoon. It was a peaceful time. I'd never seen anyone die before, but it was not scary. I had a wonderful feeling of peace as we were watching her body die. I know that we were surrounded by angels. And I know that she is with God now. I just wanted to let you all know.

Mother's Day 2006

My mommie. We share quite a special bond. Her love surpasses all others. It is stronger, longer, wider, deeper than any other human's. God is the only one who's love is bigger. This mother's day is unique for us. It is our last mother's day together. What do you do when you know that it is the last day that you will celebrate her mothering while she is still alive? My husband and I went to Hallmark the other day to get a mother's day card for his mom. I didn't even plan on looking for one for mine. I started reading the cards and couldn't help but think about my mom and how this is it. This is the last one. One of my good friends showed up and she said, "But you never know when she'll have a moment of clarity. And it could be that moment." So I treked through the cheesy, funny, lame, and heartless cards to find a soft, gentle, and appropriate card. I know she won't be able to respond much to the card when I read it to her, but I know she still hears me. And I know that I won't be able to read it to her without balling my eyes out. But I also know that reading/crying her that card will be a special moment that I will treasure forever.